This Year I Am Capitulating To Valentine’s Day.

Perhaps unsurprisingly I have been anti-Valentine’s Day for years. I can’t, in all honesty, remember the last time I celebrated it. But this year I’d like to embrace the capitalist-driven falsehoods behind what it otherwise a random February 14th and Thursday.  Take my money, Paris! Give me gifts, partner! Do, suggest The Love Playlist, Spotify! I’m all for it this year.

I don’t know what is driving this change in direction. Should I be worried?

Though cynical I would say too that I am rather romantic. I enjoy stuffing the odd love note into a pocket and organising a surprise or two out of the blue. I can tell my boyfriend that I love him without feeling like there needs to be a special occasion to do so. I’m also dating a French man and the stereotype is true: they do romance very well, even I’d say, unintentionally well (before our first date, he actually used to leave extracts from Romeo and Juliet in my letter box at work which I’d find every morning, mysteriously unsigned).

With all that you’d think that when we got together we would have fallen immediately into the idea of Valentine’s Day. The reality is that we never have; in fact I have just asked him this minute if we’ve ever celebrated the day and it has been met with a characteristic non!

The idea that you show your love on one special day by allowing businesses to take advantage of you has never appealed to me. I know that buying a teddy bear, receiving a rose or chocolates on February 14th really means nothing and the same depth of feeling – or greater – can be accomplished on any other day. I understand that buying into the hype and pressure of the day can, conversely, lead you to express emotions that are not there mainly because love ebbs and flows and certainly I couldn’t say that on this day, at this time and for the duration of the next twenty-four hours I am going to be enamoured by any particular person. Loves comes and goes.

We all basically recognise the day for what it is.

Tomorrow, however, I will capitulate and celebrate it. I reckon this capitulation is down to the fact that I have realised that it is not necessary to be so militantly against things in order to have some sense of self. It occurred to me recently that for a very long time I have been constructing identity in opposition to what I do not want to be, rather than what I do want to be. In fact I think it is often easier to project a self that is against something than a self that likes something. To like something – especially if it goes against the grain or has a drop of the eccentric about it – is to reveal oneself. It might feel safer to oppose things, to hate them even.

The fact is I feel like celebrating Valentine’s Day this year. I feel like marking the four years we have spent together – through so many continental moves and some turbulent personal times – tomorrow. That there is a day where I can pack in all that I might not say to my boyfriend because it isn’t the right time seems at the moment to be a gift. Or perhaps it is simply my mindset right now.

Tomorrow I don’t know exactly what we will do together but I will do something traditionally romantic because I feel like making the effort. I know it is ridiculous, foolish even to buy into the idea of the day. I know but I also like that I can still be swept up in something, for it means that there is some romance left in me yet and the shadow of someone who doesn’t have to rage against anything in order to feel comfortable about expressing her love.




  1. I have done the same thing in terms of pushing certain societal beliefs and norms away SO hard that I was become too rigid and losing out on creating my own great moments. I felt like you were writing about me, ha ha! Good for you for doing what YOU want to do, it doesn’t matter when or where you celebrate your relationship, but it is ok to still have fun on Valentine’s Day ☺️

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Absolutely Annette!!! Just live and let live I am coming more and more to both believe in and live according to! Here’s to Valentine’s Day and any other days that mean any other things to everyone haha!! 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha! Here here!! Love it 😁 my husband and I are redefining holidays and celebrations and gift expectations and shifting them into what we want. It’s so fun! Have a great valentines!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s important to do what feels right for you. Last night the hubby said “From now until Saturday, is Valentine’s Day – and that means we’re taking care of eachother.” How did we spend it? He got time on his online game, and I talked to my Bestie, LOL. Tonight we’ll do something wild like watch the shows we like, and cuddle, with early bedtime. It may not be classically “romantic” but it works for us.

    We also have the tradition of shopping for discounted chocolates the day after, LOL. I have THE best pair of Deadpool socks from one of those trips.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I hope you have a beautiful Valentine’s Day 💞💖😘. I used to like it until my break up 6 six years ago. I always feel alone on this day. However, my mom always makes me feel happy and buy me gifts such as chocolate and a card. I do that too with my friends. You just have to celebrate every form of love. I agree that’s much easier to be against something. Just always do what feels right to you. If you want to celebrate it this year than that’s okay.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I hope that yesterday wasn’t too hard for you seaodwordsx 😦 I know that it can be very lobely; I have experienced this too. It is so lovely of your mum to look after you on this day. That is love worth celebrating in my opinion 🙂 As you say, every form of love deserves to be celebrated and have it’s moment in the sun, so to speak.

      Liked by 3 people

  4. Ahh. Interesting thought that it is easier to rail against something that annoys rather than see the positives in it. St Valentine (or a bit of him) is up there in Dublin I think. I’m afraid St Valentine’s Day only means the Stardust (1981) tragedy to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jeeeesus……women. No wonder I’m single after a 10 year relationship. Single and ready to mingle!
    I like traditions, I like to give not only on that day, but not all days are special so if you can make that day a bit more special than the others I think you ladies should be happy, we do do it because we love you.

    Liked by 1 person

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