Despite The Video Evidence, My Boyfriend Swears His Innocence.

Two nights ago, but not for the first time, it all became too much for me and I slid my hand out of the covers to reach for the phone. I needed him to know once and for all how difficult things were for me and I hoped that by doing what I had planned, he would feel forced into making some changes.

Flash forward to today and I am still in the same position. Nothing has changed. Despite recording it, showing him the video, pleading with him to do something about it, to try anything: HE STILL SNORES.

There is nothing that has driven a wedge through our relationship like his snoring has. Nothing has brought me closer to a jail sentence. I know from my own mother that she feels similarly about my father; from friends that they share the same violent distaste for the unfortunate habit and I am certain that there are millions more who understand the horror that is sleeping next to, near to or in the vicinity of someone who snores.

When I first met my boyfriend I remember asking him on one of our dates whether or not he snored. He assured me that he didn’t. I’d like to say that he was lying to me – it would make the current situation easier – but he wasn’t. He genuinely believes that he is a silent sleeper, barely makes a sound and that I am over-reacting.

Which brings me to what I’ve been trying recently: video recording. My first task is to break his delusion. In the past few months I have recorded him a total of four times and each time that I have reached for the phone I have been thwarted not by low battery or relationship guilt but by the fact that inevitably he has moved slightly and the intensity of the snoring has momentarily reduced. For the duration of time that I have my phone in my hand the sound will not be what it had been seconds before.

When I show him these videos – which I do out of desperation – he says something like: well it’s not as bad as you say. I’m barely making any noise.Β And he’s right!Β The result is that I end up even more frustrated and he laughs his way to bed, convinced even more so that I am inventing what happens most every night.

What also happens is that I become increasingly violent. I have found myself half-awake in the dead of night lashing out at his legs in an attempt to kick him awake or literally heaving him over onto the other side. I know he’s unimpressed – he’s shunned me some early mornings when he must subconsciously have realised that he’s been moved – but I can’t help it! It’s a pretty big defence: he stops me from sleeping.

I now move to the couch if it gets too much but it is not a long-term solution because I simply refuse to believe that he cannot stop it! The snoring is often accompanied by a loud breathing and even if he can’t stop one, surely he can stop the other? There are those rare nights when it isn’t so bad – how do I ensure these happen more often?

My sanity is hanging by a thread.

Ah, relationships. Nobody warns you about this stuff.

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Despite The Video Evidence, My Boyfriend Swears His Innocence.

      1. This should work. If not, there are tonnes of snoring things you can try online. Keep trying different things until you find something that works. A future post of your attempts and failures will be sure to help many others!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. another thing that you can try is to raise the head of the bed so it’s higher than the foot of the bed. some pieces of wood would help you do this. one of the best nights sleep that I ever had was at a hotel in the Black Forest. it had a bed like this. the idea is to have the head and the throat higher than the chest.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh, man, I grew up in a house with a dad who snores loud enough to rattle the windows! 90% of the time, he slept on the couch so my mom could get her sleep, but that meant he was closer to my bedroom so I had trouble sleeping. Unfortunately, no over the counter aides helped.
    Sometimes my husband snores but it’s relatively mild and if I elbow him, he rolls over and it usually stops.
    Embarrassingly, I also sometimes snore (and apparently it’s pretty loud) and my husband ends up going in the guest room.
    Sigh. I know it’s no fun, but sometimes you may just have to sleep separately. Or keep throwing over the counter solutions at him until one (hopefully) works.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehe literally “throwing” over the counter solutions at him!! I feel a future of one of us sleeping on the couch is on the cards if I am honest. At the moment I just have to force myself to fall asleep before he even thinks of being tired! Thanks for your comment. I’ll be sure to let you know how I get on with the solutions πŸ™‚

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  2. When I was a teenager, I lived with my aunt and uncle. He was away a lot and we were home alone. When he was in town, he snored. You could hear it from one end of the apartment to the other. At first I didn’t know what to think about it, but then I realized that it was the sound of security. He was home and he was with us. Now, my husband snores. I love him and am just glad that he is with me. I would miss him if he were gone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish I had thought to write of snoring in such terms Valerie. Expressing it as form of security is actually really beautiful. My reaction to your comment was to feel I have quite missed some of the beauty in the otherwise mundane aspects of life. Genuine thanks πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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